:: Monday, January 31, 2005 ::
sleep deprivation
current mood >>
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exhausted! today i realized that a: 12 hour NIGHT shift (saturday night) followed by a day off (sunday) and then followed again by a 12 hour DAY shift (monday) is not at all healthy, nah uh! go figure yourself! i actually knew that before since i've done it once but it somehow slipped off my mind; hence it happened again! *oopss!* this time i MUST remember it... it was like unknowingly killing myself! *gawd!* im too exhausted!! i yawned about a hundred million times at work, took about a jug of coffee but nothing worked.... *tsk!* and what do you know, im back again tomorrow for another 12 hour DAY shift... *shux!* i need some sleep!! ZZZzzzzz.......Z! :: Sunday, January 30, 2005 :: when you're left waiting. . . . . . .
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go figure! someone was supposed to show up after 5-6pm today.. it's already 9:30pm, someone hasnt showed up yet, or better yet did not at all... nah, im not mad... im just disappointed and somewhat upset coz i was left expecting and waiting.. but that's aight... im just gonna go to bed now and pretend that this did not happen, again.. :: Friday, January 28, 2005 :: birthday celebrations
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bLoaTed! We went to Mandarin Buffet Restaurant (at woodbine) this evening to celebrate my sister Sheryll's 18th birthday (which was long over-due!) as well as my mom's birthday.. we ate like as if there's no more tomorrow and then obviously went home feeling totally bloated! *sigh* the fortune cookie that i got had this note: "You are about to make the most valuable discovery." - i wonder what that is.... *hmm?* 
+ that's my side of the table + 
+ Jenny, mom, Tita Lita and Aunt Maureen + 
+ there's Sheryll having her dessert with her cocktail + 
+ and there's Jenny having her own + 
+ and that's me with my wasted sisters + + + + the weather is still bad here in Toronto.. 
+ outside our house after the recent snow storm + 
+ a skunk at the backyard + + + + on a totally different note, *sighhhh* i feel so down and miserable... i just wanna say at times i tell myself i wish things were not as hard and complicated in my life and i really wish things were different.. whatever that means i'll just keep it to myself.. :: Thursday, January 27, 2005 :: just taking it EZ..
at work..
graveyard shift.. it's my first night back at work after what, so many months of working day shifts only.. so far it's been a quiet night, steady *knock on wood* and hopefully it stays that way all through out.. goodness! i just remembered, it's thursday morning now and it's payday! *yahoo!* good thing im off after this shift coz i need sometime to spend my hard earned money.. hahaha! *i wish!* i have a long list of bills to pay and by the time im done paying, who knows how much more money im going to have! i have to buy my sister Sheryll her 18th birthday gift - a digital camera tomorrow.. and my mom wants ca$h as her birthday gift... and there goes all my hard earned money! so im still in the process of looking and trying to find the best vehicle that i can buy... i saw this 1996 Ford Explorer in the magazine and it's only like $6000, it's a 2nd hand ofcourse; but then there's this 2nd hand Honda Accord 1997 which is worth like $7000.. i like them both however i think i'd prefer to have the car for now since the 4x4 is a little bit big to drive.. and also i've heard a few bad things about Ford vehicles.. my boyfriend would like to have the Ford.. what do you guys think? has anyone had any experience with Ford? Honda? any suggestions? anyways, i should better do my work now... :: Monday, January 24, 2005 :: nothing but complaints!
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enough!! *ugh!* my head hurts so much... i think i've thought about a lot of things today that my mind has exceeded its capacity to process any more sensible thoughts... my head feels literally full and heavy.. did that ever happen to you? i still can't get over the thought that i made medication error(s) on Friday.. yeah, i admit but im not proud of it, yet im just thankful that it harmed no one.. *gawd!* no, i did not give anyone any wrong meds, nothing that serious.. just minor little lousy errors but i cant believe i made them ALL in just a day!! i hate to say that i was so careless on that day but i was! i was extremely busy but that's no excuse... *grrr!* someone told me that it was ok, it's a human mistake and even senior nurses still do make medication errors, but that didnt make me feel any better coz i know i could have avoided it if only i was a little bit more careful... *sigh* and that was my lesson learned over the weekend.. the winter storm that comes and go here in Toronto has really got me into so much determination to push through in buying my own car as soon as i can.. i dont wanna travel using public transporation anymore, it's so time consuming, so cold and surprisingly a lot tiring even if all i have to do is sit and wait till my stop.. i've been flipping through auto - new and used magazines and found some interesting cuts.. i've decided to buy a used car for now, nothing fancy, but a car that will be cheap, yet reliable and presentable at the same time.. and also a cheap car that would hopefully require me only to pay a small amout for its' insurance. i need to start thinking hard about my educational plans for this year.. *argh!* and this is upsetting me! i've got so little time left with so much more things to think about... should i stick to Nursing or pursue Medicine? *gaddamit!* im still very very undecided!! will somebody please save me from deciding, i cant think anymore!! *gawd!* ok, enough! enough! these are all too much to think about for now.... i need a break, or rather a rest! :: Friday, January 21, 2005 :: @#$^!**
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tired.. the weather in Toronto is ridiculous! it's what, - 25C with a windchill of -35C!! it's painfully freezing cold! with a weather like this, no wonder there are a lot of sick people lately... and unfortunately, most of them are respiratory-related, if not cardiac related... and lucky me to be on a Cardiac / Medicine floor coz we get both cases! being back to work today, obviously, was not great after being away for almost what, 10 days or so? and with very sick patients... *ugh!* i had 4 patient load today and ALL of them had respiratory issues plus one who had an infarct (major heart attack last night) ... so yeah, need i say that my load was pretty heavy and i was extremely busy... but ofcourse, i cant really complain much since all of us were really busy on the floor today and that's part of the job... *sigh* tomorrow is another day back to work... so need to get some shut eye for now.. have a great weekend everyone! :: Thursday, January 20, 2005 :: another sad story...
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bLank... i was hired for the part time job that i've applied for last week re: providing vaccinations *yey!* and i started this morning with my orientation.. seems like it's a nice and fun job since it is a community nursing.. we'll be going from school to school to provide meningitis C vaccinations to students between 15-19 years of age in Toronto.. i was surprised to find my co-worker from my full time job in the same orientation *what a small world!* since i was away from work for quite awhile she filled me in with some news from our floor- which patients are back or have gone home and things like that.. I learned that Mrs. V has finally passed away *may her soul rest in peace*.. not that i have anything against her, but im glad that she's gone since she's gone through so much pain and there's nothing more that we can do for her condition.. she was such a nice patient, but unfortunately EVERYONE on our floor had a hard time dealing with her undoubtedly rude granddaughters.. i bet everyone was relieved that no one's ever gonna have to deal with her granddaughters again - coz i definitely am!! 'sorry i had to say that, but going back to my entry on Jan.11'05 : "nursing is hard, dealing with the patient alone.. what would make it worst is dealing with the patient's family who can but pretend they know more than what you know and who cant appreciate the service you provide.. it's just upsetting to feel unappreciated and talked down when you know in yourself that you've done everything that you can... " so much for that.. unexpectedly, i also learned that Mrs. K., who had been in and out of the hospital and had been admitted on almost all units in the hospital has passed away.. I knew her, i had her as a patient a very long time ago.. I knew her daughter who was so kind, very nice and had cared for her mom so much.. I also knew her son who had always forced the doctors to believe that his mom was totally "fine" and was just "acting sick".. [how could you say that?!] He had no time for her and if ever he had, he would spend it arguing with his sick mom and doctors.. *tsk!* at one time, Mrs. K. was planned to be sent home on this particular day. Unfortunately something went wrong and we had to keep Mrs. K. in the unit for more monitoring.. Her son got terribly upset with her coz he thought his mom was "acting up" again and he rudely stormed out of the hospital, leaving Mrs. K. in tears... but now that she's gone *may her soul rest in peace* who knows what her son could be thinking and feeling at this moment... regretful? miserable? relieved? or nothing at all... *tsk!* i feel awful for how he had been towards his mom, terribly! i could never EVER do something like that to my parents.... on a different note.. im back to work tomorrow in the hospital.. *sigh!* and im on until Sunday.. *more sighhh* anyways, have a great weekend everyone! :: Monday, January 17, 2005 :: crap!
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still swollen! i dont wanna say that i feel better today only becoz it seems like everyday something new goes wrong with me.. yesterday i was much more swollen than i am now with a little bit of tonsilitis.. but then today my face is not that swollen and my tonsils dont hurt as much, yet i've got runny nose and dry cough.. *damn!* however, i've improved a great deal with my diet since im now able to open my mouth a little bit better.. but im still not feeling good over all.. and becoz of that, i called in sick today at work.. i was supposedly back tonight but with my condition like this, i think my patients would look a lot healthier than me.. ok, maybe that's a little bit over the edge.. besides, i dont miss working at all so it didnt hurt just to stay at home and relax today, do a little bit of cleaning and much sleeping... on Saturday, mon and i had a TV tuner installed in our computer.. it's a simple chip that you put in your CPU and then you get to have the luxury of watching TV/DVD in your own computer! no kiddin! no additional television set is required.. just $62 and you can watch whatever you can watch in your television set in your computer! the only set back is that you cannot watch TV and use the computer at the same time... but that's aight, and since we dont have our television set in our room right now, this right here is a really must have and a good deal!  :: Friday, January 14, 2005 :: 4 wisdom teeth - finally out!
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swollen! *yesh!* they're all out! hayy..... it took me awhile last night before i could finally say that i was asleep.. i dunno, i defintely was not thinking about my dental surgery today.. my sisters and i must have watched too many scary movies last night *LOL!* my mom and i arrived at the dental clinic at 9:45am.. i was 15 minutes late but it was aight.. i sat on The chair right away and without wasting any minute they all started the procedure right away.. someone was taking my vital signs and someone was trying to insert an IV line on me.. one of the nurses put an oxygen mask on me and said "some oxygen dear to help you breath.." and then the surgeon came in and said "hi" to me and said "you realize you're inhaling laughing gas and someother gas in there eh?"... and i was like oh shoot! and then all i could remember was i couldnt feel my body anymore.. i felt an IV line go in and some medication.. the last thing that i heard from the doctor was "smile dear... you're so serious.." an hour later it was over.. and i was like huh? only 15 minutes? they were all laughing at me.. obviously i didnt feel anything at all since i was in a deep sleep.. the whole thing felt so quickly though! i was seeing 2-3 things, i felt nauseated and vomitted quite a few times (need i share that huh? i know...) i felt like i was walking in the clouds while they were trying to get me in the car on my way home... when i came home, my dad was waiting in our living room.. and before i could say anything to him, i was sick all over again and had to hit the bed to rest.. *damn those anesthesias!* 
 the worst part after all these is the fact that i cant eat what i want! my mom cooked fried chicken for supper, my sister brought home swiss chalet chicken with french fries from work.. so far all i've had is a small serving of chicken broth, some vanilla pudding and 7up! *yuck!* tomorrow im eating whatever i want! to hell with these dental diet!
:: Thursday, January 13, 2005 :: *random thoughts*
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home-body again... so Jennifer Aniston and Bradd Pitt have finally gone separte ways huh? *tsk!* too bad, all along i thought they would atleast last a little bit longer than any other hollywood couples... 
+ + + the whole topic of whether i should take up medicine or not was brought up again last night by Sheryll and it got me into a whole lot of thinking again... *sigh* i thought for once i've finally made up my mind that "i will not" for the reason being im too lazy to study anymore.. but then last night im back to "i shall think about it and decide".. my sister was trying to convince me that it's not gonna be as bad since im already a nurse and i could just jump into medicine with ease... *yeah right!* well ofcourse somehow that's true.. i dont need to do any pre-reqs and possibly enter medicine by the 3rd yr maybe... but looking ahead though, oh mhan! it's still a long way and i dont think i can commit that much of my time... BUT again, i think i want to take up medicine... BUT i shall think hard about it more and decide... *shux!* decisions decisions.... + + + tomorrow is my BIG dental day... im gonna have my 4 fantastic impacted wisdom teeth pulled out! *yeah baby!* the surgery will take about an hour or so.. in all honesty im not scared about the whole procedure.. im terrified that i might starve to death if i have to stick to some pureed diet for a month! *oh Lhordy!* i hope not though... + + + i just wanted to show (off) Sheryll's (oil) paintings to you coz i think they're cool... my sister is planning on selling them on eBay but i dont know why she hasnt done it yet... she painted these for her art class in school.. 
 pretty neat huh? my fave would have to be the mother and child which is the last painting, and the 3rd painting which has the ice berg and whale's tale... there's a couple more paintings but my sister hasnt taken their pictures yet.. how much do you think should she sell each one for? :: Wednesday, January 12, 2005 :: reflections
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home-body.. it has been a very gloomy day to begin with... *sigh* it's one of those days where the weather gets into you, you know.. i call it a "lazy" day.. it may not sound as good as it is but times like these can be very therapeutic, atleast to me.. it gives you the time in the world to gather your thoughts and reflect on how things have been lately, or in your life, or just whatever you wanna think about in general... 2005 hasnt been that great or bad either so far.. _ i noticed that mon and i havent been the sweetest and most understanding with each other lately, but that happens in a relationship and it's normal.. we've had a couple of arguments, some miscommunications, we've been selfish in our own little ways, at times immature.. im sure we'll fill up the gaps this year.. that's how we love each other. _ im glad that we've finally started fixing his papers.. however it's still a long way and the waiting is killing me! _ i havent been spending so much time with my own family.. if i could do simple things like wake up early in the morning and cook breakfast for mon's family, clean their house and spend an entire day driving around town with them, then why cant i do as much with my own? i havent been "around" so much and if i was, it's barely a day or two.. _ work hasnt been that great either... i have a lot of gaps in between my shifts at work and to utilize them i really need a part time job for sure! i've sent a couple of resumes here and there but there's this one that i really really like - administering vaccines in different schools in Toronto... i phoned them up today and they told me to come in sometime next week to fill up an application... *please please Lord can i have this job?* _ im not doing bad paying off my credit card debts.. but it's not the greatest either.. but im hangin in there! _ i really need to start saving this year... i want mon and i to have our own house and car by the time we start our own family.. i dont want much, just a little town house fit for a small family and a nice car (like mazda 3 *zoom zoom*).. now i know what it's like when people say something about living with their "in-laws".. mon's parents are great, very nice but living in a house that is not yours and having your "in-laws" around can be really quite awkward.. im sure everyone will agree to that coz i do! _ i need to watch my body figure.. mon's starting to call me names.. *grr..rr!* i guess its time to do some exercising... _ i've been quite uptight lately and i need to relax! i need to go out more often and chill! i think of too many problems.. *and by gawd!* im gonna look old quickly if i continue doing this! i feel like i have the whole world on my shoulder! and so, yeah... the year has just started and im starting to b*Tch about things already... *nah!* im just reflecting and it's good coz now i know where most of my frustrations are coming from and work my way from there... :: Tuesday, January 11, 2005 :: Happy 18th Birthday SheryLL!
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nothin' much.. yeah, i've been busy lately.. if im not busy at work, im usually busy driving around the town with my boyfriend's parents... i havent been the usual "home-body" person like i used too lately and i really miss it.. i miss chillin' in the house, just watching TV/movies and being lazZy! i had one of my most not-so-favorite moments in nursing over the weekend.. dont wanna fill in the details.. im just gonna say that nursing is hard, dealing with the patient alone.. what would make it worst is dealing with the patient's family who can but pretend they know more than what you know and who cant appreciate the service you provide.. if that's always the case, by gawd, please do take the patient home and care for them yourselves! *gawd!* sorry but i cant help myself but to be mean when people are being mean to me.. a little "thank you" goes along way.. *sigh* it's just upsetting to feel unappreciated and talked down when you know in yourself that you've done everything that you can... at times these kind of situations make me wanna leave bed-side nursing and pursue medicine.. but that's still way up in the air! atleast even with that ordeal, i had 2 patients who liked me so much and said that i was the best nurse they've ever had! thanx Mrs. S. and Mrs. M. today is my sister's (Sheryll's) 18th birthday.. Happy 18th birthday Sheryll!! we didnt have a big celebration since everyone was working.. the celebration will be on the 28th instead.. it feels weird to have a sister now who is 18, an adult... which only means im not alone anymore... i havent bought her any gift yet coz i dont even know what to get her... i kow she likes photography, so should i buy her a digital cam? or a PDA? or just give her money? uhmm... when i turned 18 all i wanted to get was money... but i cant really compare her to me since we're different you know.... *sigh* what am i gonna give her..?! *damn!* my mom's birthday is also coming up, on the 24th.. im debating whether to give my mom a thread mill or a TFC (The Filipino Channel) satellite... i think she'd like the TFC coz i would! here in Toronto, i think $160 is the intallation fee plus all other shipment costs, etc.. lemme see.... lemme see how much money im gonna get this pay day.. + + + 
sheryLL, me and jenny :: Saturday, January 01, 2005 :: HAPPY NEW YEAR!! home..
same old same old.. happy new year everyone! my first input for 2005, yeah baby! *LOL!* well.. nothing much to say.. i've been busy attending gatherings here and there and at the same time working.. im sure everyone has been busy as well... so how's your new year so far? any new year resolutions? hopes? goals? i have a few but im just gonna keep it to myself.. last year i listed down my resolutions and i dont think i was able to manage to follow any of them so.. hehehe, imma just keep it to myself... i really need to earn and save this year that's for sure! looking back, i learned and accomplished a lot in my life in 2004: _ i had a very rough final semester at school.. i was going through a needle's eye dealing with my preceptor in order to pass my semester and at the same time dealing and coping with the loss of something special (too personal to disclose) _ somehow, with God's grace i managed to graduate in Nursing in April. _ i wrote my Nursing Board Exam on my 22nd birthday (june 5) and managed to pass! _ i landed on my first full time job at Toronto Western Hospital. _ i passed my driving exam on December lotsa good stuffs and bad stufs, but im thankful to God becoz i made it to 2005! we didnt have a big new year's eve celebration... ofcourse definitely nothing compared to how we welcome new year in Philippines (with a *BANG!*).. we just had a quite one, simple one at my boyfriend's tita's house.. we were supposed to go to my boyfriend's friend's party but we just decided to sleep since we had a busy day yesterday and we were so exhausted.. today i attended mass with my family, had a simple lunch at home, and went to sleep all afternoon! *LOL!* tomorrow we're having lunch at Buffet King - it's sorta like a yearly tradition.. so yeah, we're gonna pig out on food! few things coming up this month: _ jan 11 :: my sister Sheryll's 18th birthday _ jan 24 :: my mom's birthday _ jan 14 :: my dental surgery (all of my wisdom teeth are impacted so i need to have them pulled out pretty soon) and before i forget... i wanna thank shari for this lovely gift: 
mon, with his friends, on videoke 
i with my sisters, on our way to the church today  Happy New Year kiss!
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ABOUT
QUEENZ | 27 | Gemini | resides in Toronto | happily married to MON | a happy mom to LUKE MERVIN and LiANNA MEGAN | employed as an RN but presently on Maternity Leave | unpredictable | spontaneous | simple-living | hopeless-romantic | self-confessed martyr | crazy for sweet stuffs | loves trying different restos in town | amateur web-designer |
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