:: QueenZviLLe ::

current mood >>

:: Wednesday, July 27, 2005 ::
day dreaming

if i won the lottery tonight, im filling for retirement tomorrow.. i'd be the youngest retired RN for sure in Toronto, or even better in the whole wide world! and then i'd spend the rest of my life, maybe doing some small businesses..

and then i'd buy my house.. im not aiming for a big one - just enough for me and my future family.. 3 or 4 bedrooms, a comfy living room and a white kitchen is good enough for me.. oh, i should not forget that my house should have a nice finished basement for recreational activities, a balcony over looking a spectacular view and a small swimming pool in my backyard.. and then my house would be somewhere in central Toronto.. uhmm, yeah, or somewhere close to Toronto where it's quiet and peaceful..

and then in my garage would be my black Lincoln Navigator and a car... hmm, what car should i have? a beamer is good enough for me, just one is enough.. i dont need a lot of vehicles, and besides i can only drive one at a time.. and when i get bored with them, im sure i could always easily buy another one..

and then, i'd be travelling to different places.. maybe visit a few places down South or maybe cross country to Europe..

*sigh* would that all be nice if only i'd win the lottery tonight!

+ + +

whoa! i didnt realize that i havent made an entry for such a long time... i've been really busy this time.. work, school, etc.. but all is well, and im really glad for that! anyways, today is my only day off.. back to work again tomorrow..

RefLected by QueenZ @ 6:09 PM :: ::

:: Sunday, July 17, 2005 ::
aint no sunshine for me

at work..
*grave yard shift*

there hasnt been any improvement since.. everything is just about the same - i went to visit my parents' house last friday - it felt awkward being in that house again, i felt the negative energy right away.. aLL the while i thought i must have done something wrong that have caused all of these and i told my mom that.. i was feeling guilty in other words.. but as soon as my mom told me what my dad has been saying about my Tita's family ever since that incident, and his persistent non-apologetic attitude even after all those apologies he's been asking from almost everyone but me - i realize im not that feeling guilty after aLL.. and from the looks of it, things will really never be the same..

it's aight.. im not sorry.. i didnt cause it.. im only fighting for what i think is right!

+ + +

on a different note, my mom's friend from Dubai was supposedly coming over here in Toronto to visit.. however, i was told recently that there was a tragic thing that happened - my mom's friend's only son had a brain aneurysm which ruptured the day before their flight - her son's in a coma at the moment and was given only a few more days to live.. i was really shocked coz i knew her son and we knew how much they really love him.. *sigh*

anyways, i better get back to work...

RefLected by QueenZ @ 3:38 AM :: ::

:: Monday, July 11, 2005 ::
cRazY cRazY!

home..
contemplating..

im not neglecting my blog purposely.. lotsa things have been happening actually and i just dont have the energy to blog them all..

i've been somewhat busy with school.. we have a major paper due on our next class and my group has only started working on it last the weekend.. on top of that, our mid-term is also coming up... but the fact that i have no energy or mood to do just about anything doesnt help at aLL!

and ofcourse, i've been busy at work as weLL.. you know how workaholic i am!? *i wish?!*

my mind is also busy trying to put things in place.. it's a mess at home right now... my Tita and her family, sadly, had to move out of our house unexpectedly... me and my dad had our biggest argument in our lives so he and i are definitely not talking... dad and mom are not so much in good terms either... mom's putting out the house for sale by fall... *sigh* im telling you, there's so much going on! im just glad that even with all these happening, i and my sisters are together and matured enough to handle them..

what else? uhmm... mon and i have been having problems ourselves.. not about us though.. we've been having troubles with her aunt who's right now going crazy! it's a long story and i have no intentions of blogging all about it.. all we want is for her to grow up and stop bugging us aLL in the house!

you see how crazy the world can be? *sigh*

RefLected by QueenZ @ 11:57 AM :: ::

:: Wednesday, July 06, 2005 ::
the different kinds of doctors

from a nurse's point of view

from med students, fellows, residents to attending, there are different kinds of them - especially where i work.. you see, our hospital is a teaching hospital so every month or so we get new groups of them.. and obviously enough, the small span of time they spend working with us on the floor is enough for us, or atleast for me, to remember who belongs to which group..

The un-intelligent group:
yes my dear friends, unfortunately they do exist.. but not to worry, coz these are mostly med students and fellows with a few residents who are still, hopefully, learning from their own mistakes.. Some of them are humble enough to admit this and ask for the nurse's assistance, especially when they need to do even the simplest procedure to a patient.. for example, flushing a saline lock after pushing a medication.. Some of them however and unfortunately will never admit that they're wrong but at the back of their minds they know they've f*ckin' screwed up and will try to compensate for what they've done.. for example, a resident proudly confirmed that she was able to get some blood samples from a patient with one try.. but only to find out later that she took it from the wrong arm! Patients of this group are either deteriorating or in critical conditions - and nurses are freakin' busy with them..

The active group:
this is a favored group at work.. these are med student to senior residents who are very prompt in returning calls when they're paged.. they are also active, especially when we ask them to assess our patients.. they are also prompt in putting in orders that we've asked them for.. they may not know medically at times what they're doing but they're eager to know exactly what's going on with the patient.. some of them would call us in the unit for updates or to let us know that they've seen the results of the tests and that they've already entered orders in the computer.. Patients of this group are well assessed, and the nurses are satisfied.

The lazy/passive group:
ah! this is the not so likeable group.. you would've memorized their pager numbers already by repeatedly paging them but they would rarely return your page.. some of them will wait for you to ask them what you want or they'll never put in the medical orders.. Patients of this group are ok - but the nurses are not ok as we're always busy hunting them down..

The un-compassionate group:
sadly, i've seen and heard a few of them.. they dont care basically.. for example, a doctor explained a certain procedure to a cantonese speaking patient in English and without a translator.. the doctor asked the patient if he wanted to do the procedure and the patient who barely understood what the doctor said said "no".. our Cantonese-speaking clerk was asked to come in after by one of our nurses, translated what the doctor said, and the patient then said "yes" to have the procedure done.. We paged the doctor - and the doctor freaked out and criticized that we were wasting her time dealing with this patient.. oh, and there's more stories of the same kind.. Patients of this group have no definite health prognosis and they definitely anger the nurses..

The compassionate group:
and they are the most loved group.. most of them are the attending physicians and some senior residents who've dealt with a lot of health issues already and probably their hearts really belong to the patients.. their profession is not only for financial satisfaction, but mainly their profession fills their hearts when they know they've done their best to make sure that the health of the patients are ok.. and yes, they do exist.. some of them would even call from their house to make sure that their patients are fine.. and they certainly dont mind if you page them even when they're not on-call.. Patients of this group can be just about anything - nurses can be busy with them at times but we're happy to know that we're not alone in this fight for patient's life..

RefLected by QueenZ @ 3:06 PM :: ::

:: Saturday, July 02, 2005 ::
are you getting married?

home..
starving!

been staring at the screen for the longest time, thinking how i would start this entry... i wanna blog something about marriage but somehow i just cant get it started..

my mom, tita and i were talking about my cuzn in the US who was planning to get married with his gf in 2007.. but i was surpirsed to know that they had no idea that my cuzn and this gurL were no longer going out for almost, uhmm, a month now... and so yeah, after informing them about this apprently "surprising" news there was this awkward silence...

this awkward silence was then broken by my mom by asking me this awkward question which, God only knows, came out of nowhere: "Are you getting married?", and my reply was "what?" I was hoping she would say that she was joking but without hesitation or second thought she repeated that same question... everyone was staring at me and i was speechless for what seemed like forever... everybody seemed to be holding their breaths while waiting for my reply... i said "no.. not yet, maybe in 2006 or 2007" and everybody had somewhat exhaled, i'd assume, in relief... and then my mom went with her blah blah blahs that i should stay single for atleast 3 more years blah blah blah and blah blah blah....

for all i know, right now marriage is really not something that i'd want to be committing into sometime soon.. the way my relationship stands now with my bf, it seems like im actually already married but without the paper and stuffs.. im not saying i am contented with just like this but right now im somewhat happy just the way things are.. it is convenient becoz unlike marriage, i can still walk out and leave without all those legal issues, you know what im sayin? it's not like i have or he has plans to walk out, but who knows right? life is so unpredictable.. Getting into marriage is easy - but i dont think it's my time yet... im sure mon and i will know when it's time..

+ + +

on a lighter, and not so serious note... we had lunch at Mandarin Restaurant today - to celebrate Sheryll's HS grad.. i didnt really eat a lot, and that's what upsets me till now.. *hmph!* now im hungry again! but that's aight, mon and i still have places to go tonight - more free food! *LOL!*

on our way home, we decided to drop by quickly at Sunset beach which is not far from my parents' house...

and my weekend doesnt end there... im just takin a little break.. mon and i are heading to his friend's house tonight for some bbq.. *LOL!* i love summer!!

RefLected by QueenZ @ 4:33 PM :: ::

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