:: Friday, December 16, 2005 ::
not your superwoman..
current mood >>
i can clean the house, pick up after everybody's mess.. i can do the laundry, and iron the clothes.. i can do the dishes... i can take care of the kids and baby sit if you will.. i can do the groceries and make sure everything is in place.. all of those plus work a full time and a part time job - i acn do 'em all...
sadly out of all those things, no matter how ward i try, cooking dishes is not really my thing.. but how i wish i love cooking, i swear! i've tried hard to force myself to love cooking, but i just cant.. baking, maybe.. but cooking dishes *sigh* :: Wednesday, December 14, 2005 :: self-control vs. shopping therapy
i dont think i need to say a lot, im sure it goes the same for the most of us.. but why? it doesnt even matter if im buying it for myself or for someone else, i think just as long as i "buy"..
when i go to the mall, i try to convince myself to feel proud of myself for not spending any money on things i dont really need.. but at the back of my mind, i ache in pain for not buying at all.. when i feel down or mad, just give me a few hours to do some shopping and before you know it, my spirit is all up high in the air again! i would call in sick at work if i didnt feel good - but if i was heading for the mall, i'd crawl regardless of how sick i feel.. i'd drive to the mall no matter how bad the weather might be, seriously! i could spend an entire 12 hours at the mall and not complain of feeling exhausted - but i could go on forever if i have to spend it at work! what concerns me the most is the whole "spending" situation.. if i had a million dollar to spend, gheez, i dont think i'd be too concerned at all! i'd be much more concerned on how to spend it.. but unfortunately that's not the case.. unfortunately for me, i dont have much of that self-control power.. but in all honesty, i've done pretty good for the past couple of months, and still somewhat doing well until this time.. well, sort of.. i think im psychologically trying to make xmas shopping an excuse for me to go shopping.. and im sure we've all done this one way or another - that we intend to shop for xmas gifts but dont end up buying them and instead shop for our own, right? i think im totally right! hahaha! keeping it from minimum to moderate is what im striving for so that i dont end up abusing my shopping therapy.. ^_^ :: Monday, December 12, 2005 :: warning: may NOT be suitable for conservatives
for the past couple of days i've been so worried that i might be pregnant, a few days delayed for that monthly thing if you will.. i've tried the pregnancy test twice but it kept giving me a negative results.. i've been trying to analyze my body and trying to figure out if i feel that "pre"-period symptoms that i usually feel - you know, those back aches, tummy aches, or what have you..
i looked at my calendar a hundred million times trying to count the days.. maybe i just miscalculated the days, but no.. im pretty sure it's supposed to have happened a few days ago.. this morning on my way to work that's all that i thought about.. as a matter of fact, i was so indulged in the thought that i couldnt even remember how i actually got to work! i thought of how things are gonna be like if i was actually pregnant - and surprisingly enough, i must admit i was a little excited! and at the back of my mind i was so ready for it.. i was scared but sure enough i was excited! i was scared coz i know mom would be disappointed that im not even married yet.. but if that was the case, im not even worrying about it - mon and i are almost married with the way our relationship stands now, but without the papers.. if anything, i'd be happier becoz i know at this point in time, im done with my schooling, i have a secure job and im so ready to take care of a baby! gheez im 23! but.. i did get the monthly visit just this evening as soon as i got home from work.. i must admit, i felt a little disappointed but, maybe it's not the right time yet.. and besides, we're not even planning to have a baby soon.. but if it did, oh, im so keeping it!! ^_^ :: Monday, December 05, 2005 :: warning: a nobeLa coming up!
and i thought i'd never post again for ages! haha!
this is the effect of working 3 night shifts in a row - im wide awake at this time, when i should infact be already sleeping! soo many things to do in soo little time! xmas shopping. *geez!* i havent started doing any yet.. for some reason i just dont feel the xmas spirit this year - dunno.. i just kinda feel empty, like something's missing or it's just like an ordinary day.. my mind's asking, "growing up pains?".. when we were still kiddos, we had so much fun during xmas. now that we're all almost grown ups we've eventually lost the "spark" somewhere.. but whatever, maybe im just missing home.. sometimes i wish i could still kinda hang around the house like i used to, sleep overs and stuff.. chat and laugh all night with my sisters, chat with my mom that kinda thing.. but sadly all of that is no more.. i wonder, should i buy my dad a xmas present?.....? it's been what, more than half a year that we havent spoken and seen each other.. i guess we're still at war.. it just dawned on me that i've been working my ass off all this time but where am i really heading for in life? *damn* that's actually frustrating in my part coz i know im still young, 23 baby, and i shouldnt be worrying much about this yet.. but cant help myself, atleast not for the time being when im feeling all so puzzled and thoughts just keep pouring in my mind. our hospital's xmas party is coming up this wednesday.. the plan was i and sheryll were going.. but not anymore.. *sigh* not in the mood anymore since i have to work that day and the day after.. i think im better off getting some rest at home. the accident! oh yeah, how can i even forget to mention about that.. i scratched and dented my ford explorer! well, saturday morning i was coming home from night shift.. it was snowing and the roads were slippery as hell, and thank goodness for my ABS - couldnt have picked a perfect timing to stop working! i made a right turn, and my truck slipped uncontrollably, hit a road sign and ended up on the pedestrian's side of the road... honestly, i thought i was gonna die, hahaha! but on a serious note, i shouldnt actually complain - God was still good enough to prevent me from hitting anything or anyone else! *sigh* i want a new truck, or maybe even a new car.. i think i should downsize since my ford explorer really is expensive on gas.. I just had it full-tank'd this evening and i paid $50.. i can only imagine that by Friday or Sunday im filling it up again!  meet my one and only xmas wish for this year *sigh* it's so gorgeous and sexy! im starting school again in January 2006.. i need to take up my Cardiology II certificate.. *shux!* am i excited? *tsk!* dunno really.. maybe if it was summer.. i just dont wanna be out a lot during winter, i'd rather stay at home and be warm and cozy.. 'heard it's going to be a lot colder this winter than the last - yeah, there now, there'e something i should be excited about! im hoping to pay all my bills before January 2006, i want a clean slate, if not atleast a better slate when i start next year.. *crossing-fingers* haha! this is endless huh.. let's see now, what else should i rant about? nah... i guess that should do it for now.. i feel a lot more lighter now that i've blogged most of what's in my mind lately.. ^_^ :: Thursday, December 01, 2005 :: wishing for 48hrs in 1 day!
yeah, i seriously wish there was 48 hours in one day.. ever since i started working for my part time job during my days off from the hospital, i've never gotten the chance to blog anymore, and basically no time to surf the net.. so far im liking it - my work i mean, but at the same time i miss posting entries on my blog and visiting other blogs.. i wish i could go on a day with just 3-4 hours of sleep so i can spend the remaining 2-3 hours surfing the net - but obviously i cant because i need to rest as much during my free time lately..
i know i'd still love so much keep this site, but at back of my mind im scared that i might not be able to any longer.. but im gonna try to keep this as much as i can.. ^_^ |
ABOUT
QUEENZ | 27 | Gemini | resides in Toronto | happily married to MON | a happy mom to LUKE MERVIN and LiANNA MEGAN | employed as an RN but presently on Maternity Leave | unpredictable | spontaneous | simple-living | hopeless-romantic | self-confessed martyr | crazy for sweet stuffs | loves trying different restos in town | amateur web-designer |
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